Friday, September 22, 2023

Walking on Water – goodbye Lade

Like every other day when Wole visited, Lade had been excited to see him, but a few minutes into his visit today she knew something was wrong, he looked preoccupied. She couldn’t believe her ears when he told her he wouldn’t be visiting her anymore, and he gave his reason in a Yoruba adage – it is starting to look like ‘mo’n da omi siwaju, kin le tele tutu’. Wole believed his constant presence and affection towards Lade in the past couple of months since the accident may be perceived as him taking advantage of her vulnerability to create a spot for himself in her heart. If only he knew how much Lade loved him and how sad she felt to hear those words. Yet she understood.

By 2015 when they began their master’s degree at the university of Lagos Wole had still not proposed nor made any concrete statement in that regard. What they had wasn’t just friendship anymore, they were emotionally invested. This worried her, but she wasn’t going to get ahead of herself and raise it with him. Little did she know that her worries were about to mount up substantially.

“I told my mum about you. She said an outright NO”

On one fateful day, Lade was growing tired of trying to make Wole talk, all day he had worn a forlorn look and said barely anything to her, and she felt apprehensive. Eventually he spilled it “I told my mum about you and that I plan to marry you. She said an outright NO”. Lade comported herself in front of him and merely told him not to worry but pray. Inside of her though was a turmoil, her heart was screaming – “God what is this?” The last thing she wanted to experience with regards to marriage were in-laws who did not love her, she couldn’t imagine being where she wasn’t appreciated and loved. “But how? How could she refuse me without even knowing me? God what is this?” These thoughts played on in her mind after she left Wole. “I am reliable, if I send you into it, I will make a way” this she heard God say to her over and over in different ways. She held on to the scripture – Psalms 46:10 and she felt peace.

“Surrender your anxiety. Be still and realize that I am God.” Psalms 46:10 TPT

In 2017, Wole got a job in Lagos and that was when he initiated the proposal process according to the doctrine of the church. After Lade observed the protocol expected of her, the next step was parental consent on both sides. Wole visited Lade’s parents, all went well, and consent was given. Wole’s mum however refused to grant Lade an invite, she vehemently insisted there wouldn’t be a wedding between them, this halted the proposal process. Wole got transferred from his office in Lagos to Niger state and each time he spoke with his mum, she reminded him – “Wole wo, ko soro’nbe. Don’t waste that girl’s time, I won’t agree to you marrying her”.

“Wole wo, ko soro’nbe. Don’t waste that girl’s time, I won’t agree to you marrying her”

His relationship with his entire family was getting very strained, as no one took a different stance from his mum. He loved Lade so much, but he was tired of the struggle, and not knowing how long it might take to convince his mum otherwise, he started to feel worried about stringing Lade along. On November 17th 2017, he called Lade and ended the relationship. From this time on their interaction decreased to occasional ‘Hellos’ and ‘His’.

“…it was better being alone than standing by a man who just wouldn’t take his stand for her.”

Lade toughened up and drew nearer to God, in fact she was so blessed that at this time she was surrounded with flat mates who were single Christian ladies just like her. They’d pray, encourage, talk, and tease each other, and move on beautifully with their lives. Not that her heart didn’t break afresh every time she thought of her severed relationship with Wole, but she decided it was better being alone than standing by a man who just wouldn’t take his stand for her.

FKhttps://bloomwithme.org
I write about family, faith, work and Life. My pieces focus on how I am learning to bloom in all these and I welcome you to bloom with me.

22 COMMENTS

  1. Why parents find it hard to respect their children’s choice of a spouse is very disheartening especially when there’s no cogent reason.

  2. Well since they’re Christian’s Wole could have settled the Moms case in prayer… Since there was confirmation for them according to Lade and probably try to know why the Mom insisted on him not getting married to Lade
    And for Lade there was nothing she could have done than what she did. It was nice she could stand strong and still trust God by relating with other single believer… It shows she truly really put God first than the relationship

    And God would definitely give her someone and family who will Appreciate her…

  3. My roommate in my 200L had firsthand experience with this. He was in the final year of his studies. Uncle Wale, as I used to refer to him, had a girlfriend named Mariam. Mariam is the daughter of an Imam(Muslim Cleric) and Wale is a Christian. They were in love with each other, and it cannot be overstated. They told me about their love tale, which I’m sure everyone would enjoy.
    They were both majoring in Creative Arts, with Wale majoring in Music and Mariam majoring in something I’m not familiar with. Wale is this large, bright guy who has access to hundreds of beautiful women. Every year, the faculty organizes a program called Choral, and Wale was one of the Group leaders. Wale is in charge of one of up to 100-150 students in a group.
    So Wale had access to gorgeous women who begged him to date them, and other such things. I saw two of them who said they’d been trying to persuade him since his 200L but to no avail. This is to demonstrate how devoted and loving these two Lovebirds were to one another.
    Wale told us one day. He’s planning a wedding proposal for Mariam, and it’s one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Of course, there was drama as a creative art student. I’d like to write about the proposal, but it’ll take some time.
    They both graduated after that, and they both notified their parents of their plans. Wale’s parents adored Mariam, who was wife-to-be to the last born of the house, Wale. On Wale’s end, everything was crystal clear.
    It’s up to Mariam to finish it. When Imam (Mariam’s father) learned that Wale is a Christian, he was adamant that they could not marry. It was as if it were a joke. They pleaded and pleaded since the two love birds had become ill, but the man insisted. That’s how the story ended at the end of the day. It had an effect on them for a while, and they had to move one. Both are married to separate partners, but I wish it didn’t have to finish like that. I didn’t hear anything more about them after their convocation. Since then, I’ve come to feel that any relationship or marriage can fall apart at any time on the basis of anything.

    • My goodness! I totally enjoyed the story, especially how well you described their love for each other.

      Compatibility issues are a huge challenge, and faith is one of them. This raises the question ‘at what point really is the most ideal to inform ones parent about a relationship?’ I mean, the earlier you know where they stand, the better for you, and you can determine early what your next steps are.

      If both parties were Christians one can easily counsel that they pray and stand in faith, trusting God for a change of heart of this parent, as long as it is His will that they be together, because God does hold in esteem parental consent.
      But seeing as that is not the case here, this counsel would not have worked for them.

      I do hope that they have both found joy and fulfilment in their different marriages.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to share Yemi! I hope more people respond to this comment, I’ll like to read their thoughts on it.

  4. While it’s moral to respect our parents, it shouldn’t be to the point of accepting their wrong imposition. It’s supposed to be your own conviction and not theirs, especially if you’re in Christ, who through the Holy Spirit instructs and teaches us the way we should go. And if you are convinced, then you should be able to firmly defend your position if talking them to respect your conviction fails. If you allow them to choose for you who you should marry, you have invariably transferred to them the authority to direct your home affairs. That will spell doom for any marriage.

    • Thank you sir! Absolutely true.

      One challenge we have these days is that many of us are not even spiritually developed to the point where we can confidently say that ‘this is what God has said to me concerning this matter’ It takes true conviction to stand up to anything.

      I love your point on the need to be respectful to ones parent, while also being able to have a mind of your own. The blend is crucial.

    • You’re right DTF.

      One of my bosses (I am a boy under many “authorities”) had same encounter when he wanted to marry his wife.

      They two (lovebirds) had agreed to spend their lifetime with each other. Everything worked just fine with guys family. So when it was the turn of the girl’s, both the father and the elder brothers refused. I think according to that my boss, he said the girl’s father (now late) made a comment that such as he should just not waste his time, he won’t marry his daughter.

      But then, the guy persisted, waited and had patience with everyone who previously rejected his proposal to their daughter and that he did in prayers.

      Long story cut short, father waiting about two years, both the girl’s father and all who were again their coming together, gave their blessing.

      And today they are happily married with 3 kids.

      When you have that conviction, it’s always good to stand by it and pray more.

      God is still in the business of perfecting all he has reviewed to us. He can turn a man’s heart at will to fit into his plan.

      Sometimes, these potholes just come to PROVE OUR TRUST IN GOD.

    • Hmmm… This is true sometimes, and there are also a lot of situations where their refusal could be born out of love and genuine concern.

      A good place to start is understanding the basis for their refusal, and helping them look beyond that.

      But in a situation where for no cogent reason at all, the answer is ‘no’, then that should be unacceptable.

      Thanks Victor! Miss seeing your many pictures on diving in the marines???

  5. My dad said no. Today we are married with two children. Hubby and dad are besties now. I’m glad I have coconut head??. I want to know how this story will end.

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I write about family, faith, work and Life. My pieces focus on how I am learning to bloom in all these and I welcome you to bloom with me.

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