Dear friends, I am sorry I have been MIA here.
Life hasn’t been a tale of woes; on the contrary, it has been blissful and consistently progressive. Yet, holding on in faith and pulling through the highs and lows of each day required a pause.
Ernest Hemingway says “A writer must write…”, and at the moment he may not consider me a ‘writer’, but dunk it, I write. Sharing on the other hand has turned out to be more difficult than simple.
In the last year, I have been in a process, and one thing that isn’t easy to share is ‘process’.
The closest to ‘taking a pause’ look I could find
Nonetheless, I was up in the wee hours of yesterday typing away because, within a space of a week, three amazing subscribers here asked why I haven’t written in a while, a long while. Though my responses were dodgy, I deeply appreciate them. Coincidentally bloomwithme.org was birthed in August, and it seemed just right to make a post.
FK is very expressive (I can’t handle storing up feelings, good or bad, so I either talk about them or write about them – I wish I could draw too). It is how I appreciate things, events, and people, or let out steam. So I have been writing, just not sharing, and here’s partly why.
It has been a roller coaster kind of a year for me (I mean August ’22 to August ’23). While I am trying to figure out what just happened, something else is happening, and then all of a sudden nothing at all is happening, only for another nothing to happen again, and then two somethings come crashing right in. Do you see how that sounds? So while there is so much I am grateful for, it’s tangled up with so much I am stressed about.
Once and rather unfortunately, in a bid to encourage conversation with someone I shared my feelings about relocating, and this person ran off lecturing me about how lucky I should count myself. They are abroad now and I truly hope it’s a bed of red, purple, and white roses for them. But really, that’s the trending perspective.
You can’t share so much about the stress you feel as a young mother because motherhood is a gift after all, and you should be grateful. Some would even imply that you are weak or just not doing something right.
You can’t share the stress and disruption you feel from moving from your home country to another country (for whatever reason). “What?!! The opportunity so many are praying and striving for! Maybe it’s just not working out that well for you because every other person is having fun at this thing”.
Oh, how I miss my job (I loved what I did). “Ah! How much is 1N to a dollar? What’s there to miss?”
… and so on. …and so forth. But this is me in a nutshell.
It’s not just that I miss my siblings and parents so much, but that I have no idea when next I’d see them in person.
It’s not about if and how much more I am earning now, but that I miss doing work that I love and enjoy.
Oh trust me, my daughter is a gift like nothing else, I see her say or do something so brilliant and kind, and I want to cry – how come God loves me this much! Still, my friend, raising a child will test the very fiber of your being (better make sure it’s anchored in Christ).
Lucky us, we found a good church with supportive people, yet I miss the ones back home where I was already planted, groomed, and bloomed.
I am so glad I can now ride a bicycle, but I loved it better when my dear husband was my willing chauffeur.
There are days when I crave goat meat and palm wine. I may find Holland-imported goat meat, but from where will the palm wine come?
Oha Soup (elemi meje) in Sweden
Anyways, I am truly gaining momentum again and even feeling more inclined to share. So fingers crossed, let’s see what I come up with.
Ah yes! One other thing, between losing my Nigerian line and switching phones, I lost most of my saved contacts, and it has been painful. Here is my new number +46739659055, please save it and drop a ‘hi’ anytime.
I hope I write again soon.
Till then; Keep Blooming!