On Submission, Equality, and Knowing the Difference: A Letter to Believers

Dear Sister:

We cannot say we trust God’s wisdom in all things and then reject His design for marriage, especially the instruction to submit to one’s own husband. Do we really believe that God got everything else right except this? If your marriage is rooted in Christian faith, it shouldn’t matter what land or culture you live in. God’s word is not subject to popular opinion or cultural shifts. His word and position will always supersede societal norms.

That said, I understand. This isn’t always easy. We are all growing, learning, and sometimes struggling through obedience. But God, who gave the instruction, also supplies grace to walk it out. When we are willing to yield, He strengthens us. In our weakness, His strength is made perfect. What we must not do, as believing women, is oppose God’s order for marriage while claiming to walk with Him.

Let’s be clear, please

But let’s be clear: submitting to your husband never replaces submitting to God. God comes first. Remember Ananias and Sapphira? Their unity as a couple did not excuse their sin. Oneness in marriage must never override your compliance with God’s truth, way, and life. If you discern patterns that do not reflect God’s character and heart, seek counsel, seek help. You are not obligated to endure anything at the expense of your soul. Anyone teaching otherwise is representing themselves, not God.

Dear Brother:

Let’s get something straight: not every woman is called to submit to you; only your wife is. In every other context, workplace, church, school, and community, treat both men and women with respect, honor, and kindness. You are not the head of women. You are the head of your wife and your home. Behave yourself, in Jesus’ name.

Yes, you are African. And yes, many African and even Western cultures have long upheld gendered inequalities. But as a believer, your standard is no longer culture. It’s Christ. And in Christ, women are not second to men.
God hasn’t reserved a higher heaven, deeper dimensions of power, or fuller grace for men than women.
As scriptures say:

“I will pour out My Spirit on all people… “ (Acts 2:17 – 18)
“There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28)

Fem… what?

Many bristle at the mention of feminism. Honestly, I’ve begun to distance myself from the label too, not because I reject its principles outright, but because clarity in faith matters more to me than defending a tag. As a Christian and a social science scholar, I focus on values that reflect God’s design for marriage, family, and community. Where I know what God has said, I stand for it.

For example, I don’t believe a white person is more intelligent than I am, and yet, sadly, many black students do. In the same way, I do not instinctively defer to men just because they are male. That’s my stance in society, because the bible says we are equal. But in marriage, I honor my husband and submit to him. It is wisdom to know the difference.

Lastly, and not least importantly, Dear Parents:

E reach to beg…

A daughter is not less valuable than a son.
She is not your default helper while the boy rests.
She is not limited to dolls, while he gets trucks.
She should not be silenced while he is encouraged to speak.

Mummy and daddy, you are the bedrock of society’s future. Please, stop this nonsense.

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Well, what’s a post touching on marriage without some lovey-dovey shots of a saved woman and her lover? There you have it! Muuuuah!

On Christ Alone We Stand!